WORLDWIDE --- Osama bin Laden and al Zarqawi announced in a joint press conference today that they will launch a worldwide candlelight vigil in support of Cindy Sheehan. After the vigil, OBL and Zarqawi will behead 100 infidels in her honor and hold a worldwide day for female repression and abuse.
"We support Miss Sheehan 100%," said an al Qaeda spokesperson. "She has done more for our cause than we have been able to do for the past several months thanks to American soldiers chasing us around the world. We would encourage Cindy to blow herself up at Bush's home in Crawford in a sign of solidarity with her al Qaeda brothers. She will be rewarded by being reborn a virgin in paradise and belong to one of the many suicide bombers who have gone before her. We are anxious to slaughter more infidels in her honor in thanks for her support."
Most of Cindy's supporters were excited to hear about the news from al Qaeda, except that many of the followers were concerned that such a massive candlelight vigil would cause too much damage to the environment. They suggested merely flashing the "peace" sign instead.
"This is very exciting to see," said on al Qaeda terrorist who managed to sneak across the porous US border to protest alongside Cindy in Crawford. "Miss Cindy talks about how America is not worth dying for, and how America murders people around the world, and how America is a shameful place. These are all of the things we want to say, but she actually gets the support of major Democrat politicians who claim to really be patriots. I could not be more proud at this very moment. The Democrats hate Bush so much that they will actually support an America hater just to try and make him look bad."
*Credit idea to an anonymous reader